


Silly Little Crab

by VillainousReaper



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Coffee shop au thing, Humanstuck, It is to do with giving away a scarf to goodwill, M/M, Some other au I'll find and add, Swearing, two babies fighting over dumb stuff
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-10-10
Updated: 2014-10-10
Packaged: 2018-02-20 14:34:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,965
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2432300
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VillainousReaper/pseuds/VillainousReaper
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Karkat may be a cold baby, but he will not be a cold baby while wearing THAT scarf. He'd rather have hot chocolate.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Silly Little Crab

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so I ended it the way I did because I actually might make it a multi-chapter thing if people want me to? Like EriKar is fun to write for and I'd love to write it again and with other little sideline pairings too, so let me know!

_“Eridan! That was mean!” “What? He ain’t cryin’ that bad, ‘n he deserved it!” “ERIDAN.” “What do you want me to do, huh? **Apologize?** Hell fuckin’ no.” “Then you aren’t getting your phone back until you do something nice!” “Like what?”_

“Fuckin’ have to donate my god damn scarf. Just ‘cause I threatened the kid. He fuckin’ deserved it anyways, gettin’ ice cream on my shoes. What does Fef know, huh? Maybe he was a criminal that escaped from juvey or somethin’,” Eridan carped, scowl frozen on his face. He stuffed the older fabric into the pocket of his coat and grumbled, shiver running up his spine. “Too damn cold to be goin’ outside in this weather anyway. Fef wants me to die out here, that’s what it is. Ain’t about makin’ some kid cry. She wants me to FREEZE.”

Ampora continued to mumble out curses and complaints about having to rid himself of the scarf he had for five years, not that it really mattered. If he wanted his phone back, he’d have to give the damned thing away. Just the thought about handing it over to some stranger that’d toss it in a box with dirty clothes from other strangers made his heart ache. Is it his fault for growing so attached? Maybe. But it’s his signature. The scarf is like a security blanket; it gave him peace in times of sorrow and returned the love he gave it, though the love was made of warmth instead of cocoa puffs at 6:30 in the morning on Saturday and dad’s cologne that one time Eridan tried being an adult.

He should’ve realized that the nearby sniffling wasn’t his own, but it didn’t register at first. He thought it was just his body and he wasn’t really in control. Plus, he was sad and angry and just tried blocking out the world instead.

It wasn’t until he heard coughing and pathetic fucking whimpering that he became aware of his surroundings. Those noises weren’t his; he was just sniffling because of the cold weather and the runny nose it always causes. Those whimpers weren’t his and the coughing wasn’t either, so the sniffling couldn’t have been (even though it sounded similiar and familiar), right? He lifted his head and looked around, confused and a little more frustrated. A) Who the fuck in their goddamn right minds (besides him) would be out in this weather and B) why do they sound like they’re quietly crying over the snow dying and melting on the ground?

And then up comes Karkat, walking to the corner of the road across from him with his hands on his upper arms, rubbing them furiously. The cancer’s teeth were chattering like nobody’s business and he looked close to catching his death; oh how tragic that would be. No really. It’d be pretty fucking tragic. Karkat is cool.

But, with Karkat looking as deplorable as ever gave the aquarius his chance to get rid of the scarf and return to Feferi with the Mulan at the end of the movie. He’d obviously take it, right?

Eridan stepped toward the smaller male, crunching snow beneath his feet giving his position away. The guy flipped around rapidly, face frozen in anger (though that might be how he is every day) and lips somewhat pale. Ampora took a small step back, surprised, and grimaced. “What the fuck do you want?” Oooh. Oooooooh, this guy has attitude, and it’s attitude Eridan has never been very fond of.

“Shut up. Preserve your heat and don't waste your breath, Kar. Your attitude ain't welcome right now.” The taller male held out the older scarf he was forced to get rid of begrudgingly, sticking out his lower lip slightly in a pout. "Take this. It'll keep ya warm." Karkat eyed it carefully, cocking a brow. “The fuck is this?” Eridan sighed and rolled his eyes, pushing it toward him. “It’s a scarf. You take it and you wear it. I’m giving it to you.” “You’re just going to give this to me? This nasty ass thing?” Ampora sneered and narrowed his eyes. “A) Don’t fuckin’ diss the scarf. B) I was givin’ it to goodwill anyway, but you look like you need it more. So take it. Here.” He punctuated his final word by pushing the fabric against Vantas’ chest.

That didn’t take well.

Karkat took the fabric and stared at it, offended. “Do I LOOK like a fucking charity case to you?” “Duh. That’s why it’s yours and no longer mine, not like it was my favorite or anything.” The cancer snarled and squeezed the scarf tight, brows knit together. “FUCK YOU AND YOUR SHITTY ASS, GREASE STAINED, FADED FUCKING SCARF. TAKE THIS, SHOVE IT UP YOUR ASSHOLE AND LEAVE ME ALONE,” he growled out acutely, shoving the scarf back. Eridan huffed, irritated, and turned it into a pushing game before stating, “DON’T DISS THE FUCKIN’ SCARF OR I’M GONNA KICK YOUR MEEK, WHITE LITTLE ASS UP THE FUCKIN’ STREET.”

Oh Eridan…

Karkat smirked viciously and ran his fingers over the fabric gently. “Oh really? You’re going to do that? Really truly?” The aquarius nodded and folded his arms back over his chest, fingers tucked into his armpits in a feeble attempt to keep them warm. Vantas then balled up the faded light and dark purple scarf, threw it on the ground, and stomped on it until it was covered in black snow and the dead leaves that stuck to the bottom of his floor.

After that, it was simple.

“You’re dead to me.”

–––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––

 _You’re dead to me_ didn’t last very long once Karkat started to walk away and disappear in the slowly falling snow. It’s like Feferi was in the aquarius’s head, nagging him to go save that poor boy or else he’ll catch his death. Mumbling, “Yeah yeah yeah,” Eridan followed after him with a resentful groan, breath visible in the air.

It took a moment to catch up to the cancer and by that time, Eridan was panting just a little bit, grabbing Karkat’s shoulder to flip him around and stop him. “Do you ever know how to slow the fuck down? How do legs that short carry you so damn far?” Vantas rolled his eyes and griped something vulgar and probably about Eridan’s streak, to which Eridan gasped dramatically and pretended to faint.

As time passed and they bantered back and forth at each other about the pettiest shit, their steps lead them toward an obscure cafe with a darker and drearier atmosphere. Dark red bricking with black trimmed shutters around the windows, they both stepped up toward the double-door entrance and stood there.

“Well?” Eridan started, gesturing toward the door. Karkat cocked a brow and stuffed his hands into his hoodie. “Well what?” “Well open the fuckin’ door!”

They wasted 10 minutes bickering about who should open the door. Karkat’s argument? “BECAUSE FUCK YOU, THAT’S WHY.”

Eventually, Karkat did open the door, albeit aggressively (as in he swung the right door open and nearly knocked himself over with its weight) and Eridan stepped inside, nose turned up like a high class asshole. The cancer quickly followed whilst stepping on the back edge of Eridan’s heels, nearly tripping him. That earned him a glare and overdramatic huff.

Karkat picked the table–a booth in the back of the place with dimmer lighting than the rest of the building–and slid into the seat, immediately placing a 10 dollar bill on the table. Eridan scrunched up his nose and took the piece of currency resentfully, mumbling about how filthy money is and how much easier it is to pay with a card. After maybe two seconds of holding the slightly torn bill, he slapped it back down on the table and shook his head. “I’ll pay with card, it’s cleaner that way.” Karkat rolled his eyes and remained silent.

That is, until Eridan decided to assume what he wanted. Assuming makes an ass out of you and me, Eridan. Didn’t you know that?

“What kind of coffee do you want?” “Coffee? No. I want hot chocolate.” Ampora couldn’t help the laugh that bubbled up. “Really? Because those designer bags under your fuckin’ eyes say otherwise. You’re getting coffee.” The shorter male grumbled in protest and glowered up at the hipster glasses-wearing swimmer. “If I get any god damn coffee in my drink then you are getting a hospital visit due to the 3rd degree burns that will cover your rich boy crotch.” That earned him another glare as Eridan gawked at the threat and walked away.

The swimmer returned with two drinks in his hands, one hot chocolate that Karkat rudely demanded and a very separate, very obscure, very complicated coffee with half a squirt of 4 flavors and odd measurements of sugar, and set both on the table. Karkat immediately reached for the drink labeled "cocoa" with a rare grin on his face, a sigh escaping him the moment he felt the heat on his right hand. Needless to say, he was pleased.

Eridan sat down and began to sip at his own drink, eyes following the few other people in the small building. A woman with an obviously poorly-done nose job was reading a typical romance novel near the door--one of those ones with the shirtless man holding a beautiful dame on the cover and the typeface being some overly curled lettering. Terrible, terrible literature and everyone knows it, but people still read it. Why? It's better than Twilight.

Minutes of silence passed as both men quietly went through their medium drinks, awkwardly avoiding conversation by getting lost in thought. Karkat mulled over the idea of thanking Eridan for the cocoa, but then remembered that Eridan is kind of a dick. Ampora thought he deserved to be thanked despite his attitude, because he _clearly_ wasn't in the wrong for anything he'd previously done.

In the end, Karkat spoke up, clearing his throat beforehand. "Look, you're the biggest fucking tool I've ever met and you constantly smell like chlorine and high-class jackassery, but the scent isn't as mind-numbing now that there's something else in my system, so I would like to take this half-assed shred of peaceful time and thank you for the drink. And..." he sighed, gnawing on the inside of his cheek, "I apologize for turning your shitty scarf into a soaked, shittier scarf." The purple-streaked whiner just scoffed and set his drink on the table before him, arms folded across his chest afterward. "'Bout fuckin' time you thanked me. Shoulda heard that the minute we stepped foot into this damn place. Look at how disgusting it is." He punctuated his words by wiping two fingers across the surface of the table and displayed his too-shiny fingers. "It's greasier than Cronus' hair and personality combined."

The cancer rolled his eyes and rose from his seat, fury boiling his blood. He tried to thank this guy and what did he get? More insults! What the fuck?

Starting away from the table, Karkat stuffed his hands into his pockets and huffed, irritated. There was a sigh from behind him and a few rushed steps before a chilled hand grabbed at his own, despite said hand being wrapped around a hot cup of coffee for 12 minutes. Vantas jerked himself away and flipped around, expecting grade A bitch face to be staring him down. Instead, he was met with a stoic look laced with pity and it made him pause.

"If I shut up, would you stick around and not run away? Was enjoyin' the company, and knowin' you, I wouldn't get yelled at for insultin' someone."

Karkat groaned and returned to his cooling seat. Looks like he was going to be there a while.


End file.
